Penultimate and Final Showers (of this month's discomfort challenge)

 So in an hour or so, after I've had dinner and some time to relax, I will take my last cold shower of the month, and with it, I will complete the cold shower discomfort challenge that I gave myself for January. 

Looking back on that first, terrifying shower, I am proud of myself for having seen this thing through. There were no transcendental breakthroughs, no silver bullet health benefits, nothing flashy. What I gained was something more subtle and, I hope, more durable. There is a big part of me that doubts my ability to follow anything through to the end, and I was able to quash that, not completely, but significantly. I am proud of myself. 

Will I continue to take cold showers after midnight tonight? Yes, I think I will. I enjoy the refreshing and invigorating feeling it gives me. But I think I will also take warm showers. And I think that I'll probably be toggling the temperature from cold to warm and back again within the same shower. 

As I mentioned in a previous post, I will also be much more willing to plunge into cool or cold bodies of water in the future. That in itself will add some spice to my life, so that's a sweet bonus as well. 

I still haven't decided what my discomfort challenge for February will be. I've got to figure it out before I go to sleep though! I'll likely post on it tomorrow morning. In the meantime, here are the final songs for the Cold Shower Playlist...

- Everything Went Numb by Streetlight Manifesto

- If and When We Rise Again by Streetlight Manifesto

and to cap it off tonight, I will go with 

- Break on Through by The Doors

No one knows about this blog yet, but I think that I feel comfortable revealing it to some people now that the first month has been a success! See y'all in February!

Cold Shower #14: The Sound of Silence

For this last one, my phone was almost out of battery, so I went for it without music. I quickly realized that I'd been using the music as a cue and motivational tool. The pattern was to put on a song, turn on the water, jump under the steam when the guitars come in or when the verse starts. My mind would naturally gravitate towards the idea that the next change in the music was the right time to just go for it!

Without music, I found myself, nearly a month after my first cold shower, dreading the feeling. And that's fine. I think systems are important as hell, and if music is part of a system that gets the job done, then great. But it is also important to be able to bridge the gap when a system momentarily fails, or when an unexpected circumstance arises. I have noticed that maintaining habits is not all that difficult when I'm in a daily groove, but a curveball, a change in location, a late night out, a holiday, is often enough to throw me off of my habits and then I wake up a month later to the realization that my four-month meditation streak has long been over. 

So it took a moment of wasting perfectly good water, and a mental false starts, before I said fuck it and jumped under the shower head. 

This little micro-lesson has reaffirmed an idea that I've had kicking around my head for a while, which is that I'd like to develop a system to keep the ship steady when those curveballs come. What system could I put in place so that a visit home to see my friends and family doesn't become a reason to not hit the meditation cushion or the eat healthily or to exercise or to work on creative projects? 

Cold Showers 12 & 13

I always wash dishes with cold water. It was perhaps my first sustained protest against comfort. I hardly notice it now and it seldom bothers me in the slightest. But every once in a while, I feel that peculiar pain that only comes from exposure to low temperatures. This happened to me the other day and it occurred to me that it was because of the continuity of exposure. It is the same thing that happens when leaving my head directly under the showerhead to get pelted with freezing water. The discomfort mounts, my body wants to pull away, my brain starts rationalizing it, and eventually I give myself permission to bail out on the operation. 

The dishwashing realization led me to step back and look at what's actually happening when I'm taking a cold shower. When I'm in there, and not subjecting the top of my head to brainfreeze endurance tests, I'm moving. Chest, legs, turn around, back, ass, neck, turn around, face, hair, turn around. 

So during the last two showers, I have been experimenting more with letting the water hit the same place for longer periods of time, settling into that changing sensation, observing it. It has led me to an obvious conclusion... The real deal cold shower isn't a shower at all. The real deal is submerging yourself in a body of cold water. That way, there is no turning away and there are less discomfort mitigating tricks you can play. 

I have no idea where I could make that happen at the moment, but it's on the bucket list.

Playlist additions for showers 12 and 13:

- Request Denied by El-P

- Drones over Bklyn by El-P

- Propaganda by The Slackers

- Rider by The Slackers

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower Playlist here.

Cold Shower #11: Less Badass, More Fun

My Cold Shower Playlist is gravitating away from pure badassery and drifting in the direction of fun fun fun by the ton ton ton. This time I went with a three song playlist consisting of Sally by Gogol Bordello, Brother of the Mayor of Bridgewater by World/Inferno Friendship Society, and Ska-boom! by The Fad. 

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower Playlist here.

In this, my 11th cold shower, I did the brainfreeze challenge again. This time, instead of letting the water hit the top of my head, I aimed more for my forehead and found the sensation to be more intense. Despite this, I found it easier to stick it out, not because my body has adapted, but because my mind is getting rewired to negotiate discomfort in a more observational manner. If it isn't causing long-term physically or psychological damage, then why hang out for another ten seconds, thirty seconds, or three minutes just to see what happens. 

My 10 Shower Anniversary: Transcending Brainfreeze

The Leo Babauta plot thickens. Not only is he doing 40-day discomfort challenges this year, but he is starting with jumping into a cold pool every day! I guess I was locked into his wavelength when I cooked this whole project up! 

For my 10 shower anniversary, I decided to break the ten minute barrier. I selected a song that I knew could help carry me over the goal line, Zombie by Fela Kuti. I still remember the first time I heard Zombie. I was at some collective house in Montreal that a friend brought me to and an afrobeat band covered it in the living room. A trombone player absolutely slayed the lead and I was captivated. Anyway, this epic twelve minute track made for a perfect 10 shower anniversary song.

This time I experimented further with the brainfreeze experiment. I left the top of my head directly under the stream and eventually my skull was the source of incredible discomfort. I made a short-lived attempt to power through but eventually my mind got the better of me and I went back to normal showering for a while before taking a second stab at it.

The second time was more fruitful. I resolved to simply experience the sensation and observe how it changed. Once my head reached a point of extreme discomfort, I remained, immobile, and watched as I broke on through (to the other side). 

Leo Babauta Blew Up My Spot

The idea of having a blog to document 30-day discomfort challenges was born of many influences. One of those influences, as I mentioned in an early post on this blog, was a Tim Ferriss interview with Leo Babauta, who is blogger famous for his Zen Habits. Well, I am on the Zen Habits mailing list and today I got an email about how Leo is going to do a series of "40-day discomfort challenges"! 

So not that I have a spot to blow up, because I have zero readers (this blog is still a secret) and Leo has millions of readers, but if I did, Leo would have just put me to shame! Nah, I don't actually care. In fact, seeing a successful blogger like Leo Babauta come up with the same idea is just confirmation that my idea was actually pretty decent!

He is asking for challenge suggestions. Maybe cold showers? It has got me thinking about what February will bring. 

Cold Shower #9: Welcome to the Jungle

For #9, I added some megahits to the Cold Shower Playlist. I started the shower off with I Believe in a Thing Called Love and finished it with Welcome to the Jungle. Sticking it out for these two tracks brought my shower time to around 8 minutes which is an all-time high. 

I made a couple of observations this time around. Normally when you shower, you're in movement. Back, then head, then chest, back again, legs, junk, repeat. When dealing with water of an uncomfortable temperature, it helps to keep moving. This time, I let the water hit the top of my head for good long while and it eventually became unbearable. The sensation was familiar. It was just like an ice cream brain freeze. I might experiment more with this to see if I can push past the pain and get onto another plane. I have found this to be possible when doing calf raises, for example. I used to stop when my calves were really burning around 50 or 60 reps. But I realized that if I just accept the burn, I can bust through this artificial ceiling and go for 200 more. Perhaps I can break through the brain freeze, too? Or maybe I'll just have brutal cranial cramps. 

The other thing I noticed, or realized, is that trying to do mindfulness mediation under a freezing stream of water at this stage of my process is probably not the best use of my time for exploration. The brain freeze experiment was something of a meditation, but it was adapted to the situation. At my winter showering pace, which is roughly every other day, I've got maybe six more left. I think running different experiments may be more insightful than trying to meditate when I  already find meditation difficult enough in a dark room free of distraction. 

Although no one is reading this (yet?), I think that I may start to incorporate some research on cold showers to supplement my probably very boring accounts of what music I danced around to and for how long. Tune in next time for my ten shower anniversary!

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower Playlist here.

Cold Shower #8: Further Experimentation

 Last night I went to the battlefield with no music. I took my cold shower in quiet. Without the external aid of badass music, I felt immediate resistance. It was harder to say fuck it without Glenn Danzig's help. 

After a sheepish twenty seconds or so, I realized the err of my ways and wholeheartedly got drenched. 

I washed up, got that winter stench off my body, and then made a somewhat earnest attempt at meditating. I positioned myself directly under the stream, let it pour down over the top of me, and positioned my head so that I could breathe through my nose unobstructed. 

I am not a particularly seasoned meditator. I normally do a daily ten minute guided meditation using the Sam Harris Waking Up app, but even that can feel like a struggle. I lasted for perhaps two minutes of attempted meditation before I gave up. An exercise in futility? Maybe. But I'm going to give it another, more sincere, whack and see what happens. 

Next time, I'll start out with a song to keep the Cold Shower Playlist expanding and then meditate to cap it off. 

Cold Shower #7

Two days ago (slowly becoming a blog post slacker) was my 7th cold shower. I kept it short and sweet. This time I made a two song playlist that lasted only three minutes. The rocking soundtrack of #7 included We are 138 by The Misfits and Nazi Punks Fuck Off by the Dead Kennedys, not to be confused with The Dead Kenny G's.

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower Playlist here. 

If this blog is really about subjecting myself to discomfort, I think this shower finally convinced me that I have to push through to another level with this particular project. We are halfway through January, and therefore halfway through this month's mission. What do I have to show for it?

1) I think that moving forward I will not be such a baby about plunging into bodies of water. This is actually a pretty big win, because I expect to take advantage of more opportunities to do so when they present themselves. I have broken my inner cat. 

2) I can see the mental games I am playing with myself to avoid discomfort. This last shower was a regression in terms of length which isn't exactly a problem, but it was also not in the spirit of going further. Further doesn't need to happen each and every time, but it is something to keep tabs on, in this and in all things. 

3) The mental games are more prevalent before the shower. Once I'm in the game, the tendency has actually been to stay longer than planned. The takeaway here is to just fucking go for it. This is basically me rediscovering a piece of wisdom I have read in books like The War of Art. If you're a procrastinating artistic type, read that book! I have been reading a chapter every morning as a sort of daily devotional practice and it's killer. It's a self-help book for people who hate self-help books. Search for a pdf of it and ye shall find. 

4) I have this blog to show! And I have the fact that I'm sticking to my guns. And that feels good. 

So what's in store for the second half of this project? Meditation under a glacial stream of water? Ten minutes of frozen moshing? A classical music addition to the playlist? Free dancing to The Dead Kenny G's? Stay tuned to find out. 

Cold Shower #6

 Last night's shower was not an attempt to push limits. I went for a one-mile run and felt difficulty breathing. My lungs were screaming in an unusual way, enough to inspire some COVID paranoia. I started reading up on how COVID affects exercise. Many report lingering effects on their ability to breathe while doing strenuous exercise, including elevated heart rate and a feeling that they simply aren't able to take in enough oxygen. I haven't monitored my heart on these first two runs, but it is something to keep tabs on. 

So when I got home after my run, I had to lay down for a while and just breathe. It hurt enough for me to resign myself to taking a shower just to take a shower. I expected to just rinse off, but stayed for over three minutes while listening to 1-800-ALARM-ME by the Arrogant Sons of Bitches (ASOB). ASOB was a fairly obscure Long Island punk/ska band with a strong DIY ethic. Lead singer Jeff Rosenstock has risen to some degree of fame as a solo artist. If you're of the punk persuasion but have a pop sensibility and are too old to mosh, I highly recommend his album WORRY. 

All in all, not much to report. As I noted last time, I'll need to amp up the difficulty level in some way to keep the discomfort rolling in. Not that I'm comfortable in there, but it's nothing like the first time. But as with just about everything, it never is. 

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower playlist here. 

Cold Shower #5: Progress Confirmed

Yesterday, on January 8th, I was smelling pretty ripe. There was no question that I wanted to take a shower, but I really, truly, in my bones did not want to get under that freezing stream. It was not the time to break a vow, however, so I did what I had to do and I am happy that I did.

Raining Blood is badass, but I felt the need to mix it up. It occurred to me that a cold shower playlist might be in order. So I went with an old favorite by a band called The Flaming Tsunamis called The Great Red Cross Robbery. The Flaming Tsunamis were a Connecticut ska band from the turn of the millennium that went hardcore. Their eclectic mix incorporates hardcore, metal, punk, ska, reggae, funk, you name it. This particular song made for a fun shower soundtrack because it includes surf, ska, and hardcore, so every 30 seconds I was jumping or swaying in a fresh way. The Great Red Cross Robbery is about being a zombie and stealing blood from the Red Cross to meet your nutritional needs. Fun and geeky. 

This time the goal was four minutes and I stuck around for five. After the shower, I felt rejuvenated and refreshed. Onward and upward. 

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower playlist here. 

Cold Shower #4: A Return to Earth?

 After writing my last post about have a cold shower breakthrough, I started to wonder if perhaps I had prematurely declared victory. Maybe going for a run before shower #3 had altered my body temp enough to soften the feeling of freezing water? Last night was the test.

After a long day walking around in historic Cordoba, I returned home to news that a hoard of Trumpistas had invaded the Capitol building to "Save America". This isn't a political blog, at least not until I find a way to associate politics with a discomfort-related, political, 30-day challenge, but wow. That was pretty wild! I can't wait for Biden's inauguration. Who knows what fun the MAGA crowd has in store for us?

If it ain't broke, don't fix it, so I cued up Raining Blood and upped my goal time to three minutes. Once again, I thrashed and headbanged around the shower. It felt every-so-slightly longer than my previous shower, which squared with my hypothesis that prior exercise had eased my previous shower, but the difference was no big deal. Objective met. 

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower playlist here. 

Cold Shower #3: A Breakthrough

For my third cold shower, I decided to subject my body to slightly more extreme conditions. The temperature outside last night was in the high 30s or low 40s Fahrenheit and I went for my first run in, um, four or five months. This is coming from someone who doesn't really run. Unfortunately, all of the basketball courts in this town are padlocked because of the pandemic, so running is the most obvious option for me to get a little cardio. 

 I started my run climbing a hill towards the Jewish Necropolis. I sucked wind the whole way and I could feel my lungs screaming. In the end, I was only out for about ten minutes and only covered a mile of climbing and descending, climbing and descending. A disappointing showing to some degree, but as with most things, the first couple times out are the hardest to get through. When I got home, around 8pm, I gulped down a glass of water, cued up Raining Blood, and jumped in the shower. 

This third shower was obviously going to be the easiest from the moment it began. I immediately felt pumped and started thrashing around the shower, headbanging, feeling kind of possessed and rocking out without reservations. My goal this time was two minutes and thirty seconds. When the timer went off, I hit the home button on my phone and kept showering. I estimate the shower lasted for three and a half minutes, give or take, perhaps four, and I could have easily gone longer. 

 I felt a smidge of the Bell's palsy acting up, but considerably less than the previous shower. My tinnitus has been more prevalent lately which is something I read other Cold Showerists complaining about online. Something to keep tabs on. Was my comparatively-easy third shower a breakthrough? Am I in the clear? Tune in next time to find out, which will be difficult for you to do, dear reader, because no one knows that this blog exists!

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower playlist here. 

Cold Shower #2

I took my second cold shower yesterday, on January 3rd, and it was way easier! This time, I selected a totally badass song to get myself a little pumped up, Slayer's Raining Blood. It certainly did the trick. I cranked the cold and jumped into the shower like a goddamn Viking massacring a village. 

The goal this time was two minutes. I found that breathing was still challenging, but not nearly as much as during my first shower. After thirty seconds to a minute, my abs started contracting again. I was able to lather up and turn around and have an actual, functional shower this time. Despite Raining Blood and my newfound ability to breathe and the joy of Goatboy Soap, as soon as that two-minute timer went off, the water went off too. 

The Bell's pallsy was back, more or less with the same intensity as after my first shower. As I mentioned in my previous post, I had experienced a similar exacerbation of my palsy after doing Pranayama breathwork in which hyperventilation takes place. I'm assuming the link here is oxygen so now I'm wondering what oxygen has to do with facial paralysis. All in all, my second cold shower was encouraging and, despite the palsy, I felt perked up and fresh afterward. Let's see how #3 goes!

See the complete Spotify Cold Shower playlist here. 

First Day of the Year, First Cold Shower

I spent the day of January 1st psyching myself up for cold shower #1. I went for a nice, long walk with my wife and her parents, so I dressed lightly and tried to relax and breathe as the cold tried to tighten up my shoulders and back. After hours of walking and mental preparation, we got back to the apartment and I told my wife to grab the phone. It took me a while to figure out the temp control on the shower. I couldn't get the temp cold enough and couldn't believe how far I had to turn the knob! That might sound sort of stupid and corny, but we are creatures of habit and breaking out of the mental box of "this is how to temperature knob is" was met with resistance. If you get into the cold shower business, beware! You may also try to trick yourself. I had a very brief moment of relief when I thought to myself "Phew, I guess if the cold water isn't working that I'll just have to take a warm shower instead!" 

I had read somewhere online that the first minute sucks, the second minute sucks a little less, and that you have to push past three minutes to settle in to a cold shower. I had also read that the best way to start is to start with warm water, then crank the cold, then finish off with warm water. I disregarded both suggestions and opted for one solid minute of freezing hellfire as my objective. Unless you are some kind of meditation master, like a monk capable of lighting themself on fire and calmly sitting there, your first cold shower confronts you with a physical reality that is difficult to negotiate. I have found that when faced with pain, let's say from an ankle sprain, it is possible to breathe your way through it. Keep breathing, control the breath, and you can get enough space to experience the pain as a physical sensation without the hysteria that an injury typically induces. My expectation with the cold shower is that I would be able to fend off the shock by using a similar technique of controlled breathing. When I jumped under the stream, all of the air was forced out of my lungs immediately. I struggled to fill my lungs up again before my torso contracted, forcing the air out again. Then my abs began to involuntarily contract. Eventually, I was able to start taking some air in, but I was a far cry away from burning monk status. 

The goal was one minute, I lasted for about 1:20 or 1:30, mostly because I had to rinse the soap. A strange side effect was an imbalance in my face after the shower. I have done hyper-ventilating breathwork before, yogic breathing, and it had a similar effect. I had Bell's palsy as a child due to Lyme's Disease, and half of my face was paralyzed. I can't help but think there's a connection there. The right side of my face sort of scrunched up and took about ten minutes to return to its normal state. A couple of interesting side notes... I seem to be in the minority as someone with lingering symptoms of Bell's palsy more than twenty years after the initial event. My quick research on the condition just now also revealed a link between Bell's palsy and tinnitus, which is raging in my ears as I type this very sentence. Once my body settled down post-shower, I felt pretty damn good! My mood felt lifted and my body felt cool and warm at the same time, like natural Icy-Hot. I even caught myself thinking about my next cold shower!