Meditations 4, 5, and 6

The whole wake up mad early to meditate thing isn't happening. Instead, I have decided to build it into my morning. Thanks to a flexible job at which I make my own hours, I can simply keep my schedule blocked off for a meditation session. So that's what I've done for the rest of the month. My schedule is set for sitting until February 28th. There is not much remarkable to state about my 4th, 5th, and 6th meditations of the month, except for one thing. During my 4th guided meditation with the Waking Up app, I was instructed to bring my attention back to me breath. As I started to do so, I had the strangest feeling of distance from my breath, as if it was happening about a foot in front of my body. With each breath, my breath appeared to get closer and closer. Over the course of ten breaths or so, it finally reached my lungs. This was the first time that I had felt my breathing in this part of my body. Normally when I focus on breathing, I observe the sensations in my nostrils, or in my throat where the nasal passages connect. But this time, the sensation felt unbelievably internal. In hundreds of meditations (albeit short and often quite unfocused), this was only the second or third time where something came out of left field and wowwed me. Am I a fool for wanting more? I suppose it is natural for a novice to hunger for these sorts of novel experiences. I wonder if even seasoned vets find themselves thirsty for state-altering, drug-like experiences. Of course, the most obvious take is that this is silly and meditation should not be about chasing a high. Some words of wisdom: "To cultivate generosity directly is another fundamental part of living a spiritual life. Like the training precepts and like our inner meditations, it can actually be practiced. With practice, its spirit forms our actions, and our hearts will grow stronger and lighter. It can lead us to new levels of letting go and great happiness." - From "The Path of Insight Meditation" by Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield "There is a big difference between taking a walk in the woods and really being there and taking a walk and spending the whole time thinking about visiting Disneyland or what you are going to cook for dinner or imagining all the stories you can tell your friends about what a great walk in the woods you had. It is only be being fully in the moment that the fundamental questions of the heart can be answered." - Also from "The Path of Insight Meditation" by Joseph Goldstein and Jack Kornfield I read this last quote after my unusual breathing experience and boy oh boy did I relate to it. I found my mind thinking about how I was going to write about it in this here blog. I also recall thinking of a book I'd read recently, Emmanuel Carrere's Yoga in which one of France's greatest living writers describes his experience at a Vipassana retreat and the meditator's guilt he feels about taking mental notes for his upcoming book on yoga and meditation while sitting! Not my favorite Carrere book (I'd maybe recommend L'Adversaire or Limonov), but it really hits home as a neurotic amateur meditator.